Death during or after birth is normally because of imperfect world we live in.There's probably no greater pain than that inflicted by the loss of a child. And though nothing can banish the hurt you're feeling, there are steps you can take now to make the future more bearable. The steps are as follow:
1.See your baby,hold your baby, name your baby.Grieving is a vital step in accepting and recovering from your loss,and it's difficult to grieve for a nameless child you've never seen. It is my advice, it is better to see him or here than not to because what is imagined is worse than the reality.Holding and naming your baby will make death more real to you, and ultimately easier to recover from.
2.If possible, ask not to be sedated in the hours after you hear the news. Though it will ease your pain momentarily, sedation will tend to blur your recollections and the reality of what happened. This makes it harder to get on with your grieving, as well as depriving you and your spouse of the chance to support each other.
3.Discuss autopsy findings and other details with the doctor to harden the reality of what happened and to aid you in the grieving process. You may have been given a lot of details in the delivery room,but medications,your hormonal status,and the shock you felt probably prevented you from fully understanding them.
4.Keep in mind that the grieving process usually has many steps, including denial and isolation:anger;depression; and acceptance. Don't be surprised if you feel these emotions, though not necessarily in this order.On other hand ,you can't feel these feelings because everyone is unique and are not common for everyone.
5.Save a photo ,so that you'll have some tangible reminders to cherish when you think about your lost baby in the future. As morbid as this may sound, experts say it helps.Try to focus on positive attributes-big eyes and long lashes, beautiful hands and delicate fingers, a headful of hair.
6.Ask friends or relatives not to remove all vestiges of the preparations you made for baby at home. Tell them you will do it yourself.As well-meaning as their gestures might be,coming home to a house that looks as though a baby was never expected will only add to any tendency to deny what has happened.
6.Cry-for as long and as often as you feel you need to.Crying is part of the mourning process. If you don't cry now ,it will remain unfinished business that you may find you have to attend to later.
7.Limit the use of tranquilizers and sedatives. Although they may seem helpful at first, they can interfere with the grieving process and can also make you dependent on them.Also avoid using alcohol to drown your grief. Alcohol is a depressant.
8.Expect a difficult time. For a while you may feel depressed, empty, or stressed; experience intense sadness; have trouble sleeping; fight with your spouse and neglect your other children; perhaps imagine you hear your baby crying in the middle of the night. You will probably feel the need to be a child yourself,to be loved, coddled, and cared for. All this is normal.
9.Recognize that fathers grieve,too.Their grief may in some cases be or appear to be shorter-lived and/or less intense,partly because unlike mothers, they havent carried their baby inside them for so many months.Exceptional to many fathers are troubling to explain they are grief.
10.Don't face the world alone .If you're putting off getting back into circulation because you dread the friendly faces asking"so,did you have a boy or a girl"? take a friend who can field the questions for you on the first several trips to the supermarket,bank,and so on.Be sure that those at work,at your place of worship,at other organizations in which you're active are informed before you return so you don't have to do any more difficult explaining than is absolutely necessary.
11.Look for support from those who've been there.Like many other parents,you may derive strength from joining a support group for parents who have lost infants. But beware of letting such a group become a way of sustaining, rather than letting go of,your range or grief.If after a year you're still having problems coming to terms with your loss(sooner,if you're having trouble functioning), you should seek individual therapy.
12.Turn to religion, if you find it comforting. Some bereaved parents feel too angry with God to do this, but for many,faith is a great solace.So is understanding that God is not responsible for such tragedies, that they simply happen as a part of the imperfect world in which we live.
There are many factors but you can use these to help yourself even your neighbor when the situation happen.
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